the five love languages

I just read Gary Chapman's classic relationship book on the five languages of love.  He's come up with a very simple concept to help married people get the spark back.  The five love languages are:  physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and quality time.  The way my wife Tania tends to express her love for me (like baking things she knows I like and generally taking care of me) is her preferred way of receiving love as well.  She is an "acts of service" gal.  One of the things that is a great stress to her is anything that is broken down.  I can easily show her love in a very meaningful way by picking something and fixing it, whether that is taking a dog into his physio appointment or getting the leaking eavestrough fixed.  As her love tanks gets filled, she more naturally gives me the quality time I seek.  Where the system takes some faith is this:  love is an action and a gift, something I give to my spouse with the expectation of return.  But what of course makes this work and sustainable over the long term is that it becomes reciprocal in time.  Check out Chapman's work at http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/.  Happy Romancin'.

why change is hard to do

I think most people by now have figured out that making a change is hard.  It seems reasonable that if I want to change my results–say lose that last stubborn 10 pounds or earn that last stubborn $100K–I need to do something differently.  My results are a derivative of my habits:  spending habits, selling habits, eating habits, exercizing habits.  These are hard to change because, well, they're habits.  My behaviours are frozen in place by a complex web of emotions.  And will power is at best a short-term solution.  Even though I know what I should be doing, I don't always know why I'm not doing it.  Just do it?  A nice sentiment but not very useful.  I think Gandhi had it right when he suggested that we be the change we want to see in the world.  Being before feeling.  Feeling before doing.  Doing before getting.  So here is a great clue to what the key to the change is:  what trait do I most admire in other people?  For me, it's passion.  When I'm passionate, I'm not over-eating, over-spending, under-selling and under-exercizing.  I've been studying passionate people for a few months now.  They tend to do what they love and that energy is so enticing that it spreads and other people want a piece of it, ie, customers bringing money.  They also tend to keep active doing what they love and they seem to stay fit and healthy as a result.  And because they feel so great about themselves they don't need comfort spending and comfort eating and comfort laying-around-watching-television.  Passion.  It works.

what high level entrepreneurs think great coaching is about

I recently held two focus groups with some of the successful, high networth entrepreneurs I coach.  The primary value a coach delivers is calling them on their bullshit or "illuminating blindspots" in coaching parlance.  A great coach they said is willing to be the person that says the things that no one else in the entrepreneurs personal life or business is willing to say–things that are too risky because they carry the risk of termination or retribution in some way.  A great coach is willing to put his or her job on the line to say the hard things that need to be said.  The irony of course is this:  it might seem risky for the coach to make these tough communications, but they made it clear that it is more risky not to.  An entrepreneur's life is full of "yes" men, full of people who want something.