ego–the good, bad and the ugly

Many authors in the self-help industry have been attacking the idea of ego, as if it were entirely a bad thing.

I disagree with this point of view. Ego has its place and nothing good would happen without it.

Ego is simply the place we store our self-concept and the concepts we store most deeply are the ones most firmly rooted in the presence of great emotion. Ego like any structure gives a useful short-hand of constructs, ideas and definitions on which to build. And like any structure they have an inertia that can stubbornly sabotage innovation and growth. Structure is not inherently bad as our lives are built on structure, but there are limitations.

For example, as a young kid, my dad would bring machines home for me to take apart. As I was disassembling the units, I'd study how they were put together and then reassemble them. I usually had parts leftover but that was part of the fun. This was they joy of my childhood and as I grew up, I became a professional designer. Not surprising at all if you knew me as a kid.

The idea of being a designer is a part of my self-concept and thus a part of my ego and most of the time it's quite constructive. So is the idea of excellence. As I've studied how things are made, I've developed an appreciation for the finer things in life.

This idea of excellence pervades all aspects of my personal and professional life, It affected my choice of spouse, my choice in clients (good news if you are one of them), drives the design of my coaching system and guides all of my purchasing decisions.

I recently returned to the sport of golf and reconnected with the negative part of my ego and excellence. I had not golfed since my late teens as I did not like the person I was becoming, but felt mature enough at 46 to have another go.

Naturally we bought the best equipment, sought out the best instruction and are playing the best and thus most challenging courses. I'm losing a lot of balls, which is expensive, because they are the best balls.

We played hideously in Lethbridge yesterday on a beautiful coulee course and then played again today. Lessons and practice are starting to kick in and I managed to birdie two holes in a row on the strength of my putting which was the first of my childhood golf skills to return.

At this point in the game, I was doing really well, on my way to the best score of my life when I realized that I was doing really well and on my way to the best score of my life.

Every time I addressed the ball from that point on an image of my final score flashed in my brain and I proceeded to double bogey the remaining holes. I would submit that this is a misuse of ego and the dark side of the otherwise virtuous drive towards excellence.

Ego is inherently neither a bad nor good thing, it just depends on how we use it. And sometimes, it get's ugly.

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